MPs and CGT – the leaked HMRC memo

Dear Kitty,

Thank you for your recent enquiry over how to use this wheeze. The CGT avoidance diversionary tactic is, as you say, working a treat; just ask Hazel, Geoff, James and Sean and others. It never ceases to amaze me how gullible the public can be, and how easily they swallow whatever tat they read in the press.

In summary, you expect to be turfed out on your ear at the next election and you want to get away  scot free and without the public (or customers, as we here at HMRC prefer to call them) demanding that you hand back the profit you have made by helping yourself to their money, and investing it into property whilst presiding over a property price explosion fuelled by an unsustainable credit binge which has brought the country to its knees. I understand from Gordon that the announcement of your departure will be conveniently timed to coincide with the “lesser” announcement that your lot have finally succeeded in your efforts to abolish trial by jury on the mainland. 

Non-entity politico resigns, and, elsewhere, the other news in brief ... a major erosion to a 400 year old civil liberty. Blink and you would have missed it.  Brilliant. As you may know, we here at HMRC are all for the erosion of what is left of our customers’ rights. Indeed, I remain hopeful that, in acknowledgement of the past decade during which we have had to manage the never ending stream of substandard dross you clowns enact as tax law, you will now use your remaining time in power to abolish whatever rights remain for the plebs.  

As I said to the others, the tax avoidance line is a great smokescreen. The media will take the bait; it will be reported that you have not paid capital gains tax and with the proles getting predictably agitated, they will not stop to worry over what the law actually says or, even worse, demand you hand back the profit you have made with "their" money. The usual dim-bulb journos will oblige by chipping in, as will other commentators some of whom are so bad at advancing a cogent argument that even our American cousins see fit to take the rise. Before long, a handful of your colleagues will be up for something criminal, and the mobile vulgus will completely forget that, only a few days earlier, they were apoplectic with rage at MPs not paying tax what was not due anyway. Job done. 

Don't bother with a cheque because we will not cash it. I know your colleague made that big hoohah over saying she was sending hers but, once the cameras stopped rolling, she tore up the cheque she had been waving about.  That Hazel Blears.  What a stunt !

The law for flipping the CGT exemption on your houses:

Taxation of Chargeable Gains Act 1992

222. Relief on disposal of private residence

...

(5) So far as it is necessary for the purposes of this section to determine which of 2, or more, residences is an individual’s main residence for any period –

(a) the individual may conclude that question by notice to an officer of the Board given within 2 years from the beginning of that period but subject to a right to vary that notice by a further notice to an officer of the Board as respects any period beginning not earlier than 2 years before the giving of the further notice.

..

So, by flipping your notice, not only are you definitely not engaging in tax avoidance through the exploitation of a loophole. Rather, you are undertaking tax mitigation which has been expressly sanctioned by parliament and which must, therefore, be a good thing. 

(Probably best, though, not to mention that parliament is actually you and your troughing mates. If the plebs join up the dots on that one, there could be some really awkward questions).

Finally, you will be aware that we here, at HMRC towers, have a policy of undermining professionals at every opportunity because of their temerity in stopping us from abusing our powers and flagrantly ignoring the rule of law when seeking to extract money that is not legally due from taxpayers our customers. Ordinarily, I would offer to paint your accountants with a dawn raid but another of those pesky professionals, some uppity High Court judge this time, has told us to stop doing that.

I do, however, see that your accountants advised you to wait a month before flipping your notice. We at HMRC say you can flip after only a week and, quite frankly, being told you had to wait a whole month is negligence by your advisers.

I am grateful for you bringing this to my attention as it serves as yet another example of why we need to supervise these incompetents.

Love and kisses,

Dave

P.S. When I visited the Treasury yesterday, I did ask to be introduced.  But no one knew who you were.